Is Angelica Pickles a paranoid schizophrenic? Are the characters in Spongebob Squarepants on drugs? Why are all the Smurfs wearing white hats? If any of these questions have been plaguing your mind since your early years spent watching Nickelodeon, you’re not alone. In fact, I’ve often found my mind wandering to dark places where all the Nickelodeon cartoon conspiracies circulating the Internet seem highly probable and most likely true. Could it be that the subliminal messages fed to us in our youth are the reason we become highly agitated teenagers? Is peer pressure a myth set to detract from the real problem: Nickelodeon? Let’s explore.
The Rugrats Conspiracy
According to fans of famous Nickelodeon show, The Rugrats, the babies we’ve all grown attached to are all dead and in fact, figments of Angelica Pickles’ imagination. According to said fans, her hallucinations are the result of a childhood trauma and paranoid schizophrenia, connected to the loss of her mother who suffered from a heroin overdose. To compensate for her absent mother, Angelica has created fictional companions. Imaginary baby friends seem innocent enough, but just wait until you hear each chilling backstory. Chuckie died along with his mother in childbirth. Phil and Lil were actually aborted and since Angelica did not know the gender of the baby, she fabricated twins, a boy and a girl. And Tommy? He was a stillborn and as a result, his father can’t stop making toys for the baby he lost. The theory even extends to All Grown Up!, blaming Angelica’s ongoing hallucinations on narcotics. Creators have shot down the these cartoon conspiracies, but some people aren’t ready to put it to bed just yet.
The Smurfs Conspiracy
Are the Smurfs racists? Are their white hats a symbol of white supremacy? It seems like a stretch, but french writer and lecturer at Paris’ prestigious Science Po political sciences school, Antoine Buéno, wrote an entire book about it called “Le Petit Livre Bleu: analyse critique et politique de la societé des Schtroumpfs” to argue his case. His book describes the land of the Smurfs as a totalitarian utopia, with Papa Smurf in a red outfit resembling Stalin, Brainy as Trotsky, Gargamel as an anti-semitic caricature of a gold-loving Jew (note: with his hooked nose and his cat, Azrael, this one seems highly probable), and Smurfette as the blond Aryan woman. His book even goes so far as to suggest that the word Smurf is an acronym for ‘Small Men Under Red Force’. Is there a political message here? If you aren’t yet convinced, consider this. In the first comic strip, ‘The Black Smurfs’, the Smurfs would turn black when they became sick and would lose their intelligence. Could the Smurf story have racial undertones? I’m inclined to say yes.
Verdict? PROBABLY TRUE
The Spongebob Conspiracy
There are many cartoon conspiracies surrounding Spongebob Squarepants, the comical yellow sponge living in his pineapple under the sea, including the Nuclear Testing Theory, the Seven Deadly Sins Theory, the Secret Box/Donut of Shame Theory, and the Death Theory. Though I invite you to explore them all, my personal favourite is the Drug Theory. If you’ve ever looked at Patrick and thought, what’s up with those eyes? I have your answer. Medical marijuana. Think about it. He’s always eating. According to said theory, Spongebob’s vivid imagination is a product of shrooms and Squidward Tentacles is a victim of heroin addiction, which explains his shifty personality. Also, Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puffs are cocaine abusers, which is why they are so irritable. Consider this: why is his name Mr. Krabs?
Verdict? YOU HAVE TO BE ON DRUGS TO BELIEVE IT.
The Fairly Odd Parents Conspiracy
Speaking of drugs, according to certain fans, Fairly Odd Parents is actually a show about depression. The theory that Cosmo and Wanda are metaphors for two antidepressants, Zoloft and Prozac, continues to circulate the Internet and frankly, it’s not impossible. Ever notice how happy they are all the time? Whenever Timmy uses magic, he experiences side-effects, much like with pills. When he abuses his magic, he encounters problems, much like with pills. Not convinced? In one of the episodes, we find out that the fairy godparents only appear when Timmy needs them. Highly suspicious.
Who’s to say whether any of these cartoon conspiracies hold any truth, but for the sake of preserving the innocence of ours childhoods, I sure hope not!